I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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