seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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