Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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