you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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