you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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