you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
