How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
