Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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