I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
