Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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