A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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