I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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