just come out here and I will go home with you...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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