Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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