I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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