she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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