Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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