you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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