his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
