It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
