if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
