with your own penis?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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