and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
