evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
