Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
operation harelip BJ is a go
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
