Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
