yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
