You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
