i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
