You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
