I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
