I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
