Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
