How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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