I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
