i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
