Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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