so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
