Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
