Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
