also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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