It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
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