i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
