Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
