all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Everything about him screamed your future.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
