We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
