Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
