Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
