who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
