you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
